Demon Lover
by Mother of Purl
Summary: Something's horribly wrong with Howard's new girlfriend...
1. Chapter 1

Vince laughed as he walked in the Nabootique. "You're in luck Howard!" he said.

"Quiet Vince, I'm busy," Howard said without looking at him. He was writing something on a memorandum pad.

"But Howard it's important," Vince pleaded.

"Shush! You're distracting!" Howard exclaimed. He grumbled something angry and scribbled out whatever he wrote.

"C'mon please, I have to tell you something real bad. What're you doing that's so important?" Vince asked.

"I'm trying to figure out why the till seems short. Alright now let's see… carry the one, that's forty-five plus thirty…"

"Howard there is such a thing called a calculator," Vince said.

"I don't need one. I'm smart enough as it is!" Howard frowned

"Doesn't seem like it," Vince slightly chuckled.

Howard smacked the pad. "Well maybe if I didn't have you buzzing around my face like an irritating little mosquito, maybe I'd be able to concentrate better!"

"Here, my cell phone has a calculator on it, it'll make it a whole lot simpler," Vince handed him his cell phone.

"Alright fine, how do you use this blasted thing?" Howard examined Vince's phone as if it was an ancient artifact.

"Dear God Howard, did they thaw you out yesterday after they dug you out of the ice?" Vince crinkled his eyebrows.

"I'm not very good at advanced technological tripe like this!" Howard cried out.

"You can't even get the microwave oven to work!" Vince clamped his hand over his mouth and snickered.

"Shut up!" Howard shouted.

"You almost set the kitchen on fire… burning popcorn!" Vince chuckled hard.

"Alright Vince I know!"

"You screamed like a little bitch! 'Ahhhhh! Somebody help me! I don't know to adjust the power level on my microwave'" Vince jumped around, mimicking Howard panicking.

"Ok fine just show me how to use your damn phone already!" Howard exclaimed.

"Ok, ok, push the butten on the left," Vince was still chuckling.

"Which one? There's too many!"

"The first one on the top. Good, go to menu, then tools. There you go Howard, you got it!" Vince teased.

"Fine, fine, whatever now let me see why it seems we're losing money," Howard rolled his eyes.

"And then can I tell you what I wanted to tell you earlier?" Vince asked.

"Whatever, fine Vince," Howard leafed through receipts and punched in numbers.

"Hey why doesn't Naboo just get a computer? That way you could put this all on spreadsheets. It'd make it way easier, plus you could save it all and not worry about losing anything. Plus we could advertise this place on a popular social networking site to increase business and then…"

"Vince please, I need to concentrate. It seems for some reason we're missing money and no matter how much I keep checking, we're still off. This is serious!"

"Oh well… uh Howard," Vince chuckled nervously. "Now that I remember, I went out with the guys the other day and… we didn't have enough money so I came back and I…" he tapped his fingertips together.

"You took money from the shop till? Vince!" Howard shouted.

Vince bit his bottom lip and made a crooked smile. "Um… sorry?"

"You can't do that Vince! Damnit if Naboo finds out, he'll probably turn us into cuttlefish or worse, have us both sacked! Oh Lordy Vince!" Howard covered his face and shook his head.

"Well did you want me to tell you what I wanted to say? It's good news at least," Vince said.

"I suppose…" Howard sighed.

"Boy do I have something in store for you! Alright, here it is," Vince laid out a newspaper. "I put a singles ad for you!"

"You what?" Howard nearly shrieked

"Oh Howard this is going to be so good for you! All these local girls are going to be ringing you sooner or later! Isn't it exciting? No need to thank me Howard, the only way you can repay me is with your happiness!" Vince grinned.

"Why Vince why? What were you thinking? Have you realized what you've done?" Howard cried out.

"Oh don't be silly, I made you sound good. Listen here, 'Local man with quaint charm seeking company. Likes jazz, theatre, poetry, and long walks. Contact anytime.' I thought I'd add that bit about walking that way you don't sound too dull."

"Vince… you ruined me. That description was two-dimensional and no one will answer to it. I'm just going to go to my room and hide under the covers to shield me from any other humiliation bound to come…"

"Don't worry Howard, someone's bound to!"


	2. Chapter 2

Howard sighed as he sat in front of the phone. He couldn't believe any of this. Just when he was getting fed up with Vince, the little punk put an ad of him in the paper sounding desperate as can be. He knew no one would call him but why was he waiting for it? Finally, after painstakingly waiting, the phone rang.

"Oh!" He excitedly picked up the phone. "Hello?" he answered.

"Hello is this the singles advert that was in the paper? I can't see too well," said the voice of an old woman.

"Oh um… yes," Howard said reluctantly.

"Well that's a relief, I was afraid I dialed the number for the water company again. Anyway, before I carry on like I usually do, I'd like to get to know you personally. You see, my elderly life is becoming awful lonesome and my grandchildren miss their grandfather oh so much, so I need a man to mend things not just for the little darlings, but for me too."

"Um… I'm sorry, as unfortunate as it sounds I uh…" Howard winced and tucked his lips in as if he was getting a tetanus shot.

The old woman chuckled. "You're cute. Your voice sounds a bit like Humphrey Bogart's."

"Eh thanks… but I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment… I've got too much going on in my life right now."

"Sure, I know what you're thinking. What would you want with an old bat like me? I'll have you know I have the body of a twenty year old and the libido of a jack rabbit! I drink tea with ginseng in it daily!" she declared.

"Ughhh… I'm sorry I've gotta go… I have business to attend to…" he moaned softly with disgust.

"I may be old but that herb works wonders! I'm still the tigress I was when I was a young girl!" she croaked.

"Sorry, sorry… goodbye…" Howard hung up the phone.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again. "Hello?" Howard answered.

"Hi this is… oh God I can't finish!" the girl on the phone snickered. He could hear a few other girls laughing. He sighed. He knew how this would turn out.

"Wait, wait hand me the phone! Hand me the phone! I wanna try! Hey there Old Timer, I'd love to stretch the loose skin on your back!" one of the girls cried out.

"Let me have it now! I wanna talk to the jazzy prune with a crusty charm!"

"I think you mean quaint…" Howard mumbled.

"Aw look what you did, you hurt your grandpa's feelings! It's not his fault he hasn't gotten any since electricity was invented!" the girl said.

Howard grumbled and hung up the phone for he didn't want to hear any more of it. He frowned and crossed his arms. He knew he wasn't that old, yet he found himself self-conciously pinching the skin on his back. The sound of the phone ringing again made him grumble. "Hello?" he answered.

"Helloooooooooooooooooooooo…"

He immediately slammed the phone on the receiver, panting with fear. Within a few seconds, the phone rang again. "H-hello?" he answered cautiously.

"Howard you sly, sly fox! I know that's you! Don't you try to hide from me, you hear me? I made arrangements for the both of us and my shack in Acapulco has remained dreadful and dreary without your presence! Why have you relentlessly avoided me all this time? Can't you see, we have a marvelous life to look forward to! All you have to do is…"

"Sorry can't hear you!" Howard slammed the phone again.

"Any luck?" Vince asked as he came in the room.

"Nope, not at all. I should've considered becoming a priest had I known I would've been celibate for so long," Howard said in a sarcastic tone.

"Oh Howard don't be like that!" Vince playfully smacked him in the back of the head. "Just give it time."

Howard grumbled and readjusted his hat. "What do you mean time? I'm past my expiration date."

"It's alright Howard, I always thought you aged like um… cheese!" Vince grinned.

"Cheese?" Howard raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah like cheese, well not cottage cheese of course. Maybe like cheddar or Swiss, even though it gets a little hard around the edges, the middle is still decent."

"Are you saying I've gone bad?" Howard frowned. He couldn't help but reflect on how those girls called him crusty at this moment.

"Oh no, no, no no, not at all. You just need to get a little fixed up, something to shave off a few years. Like maybe you could get a new wardrobe or maybe getting a haircut or even uh…" Vince rubbed his upper lip.

"No! I know what you're thinking! This is my best attribute ever," Howard stroked his mustache protectively. "I grew this baby at a very young age."

"I know I was there. I must've been six or seven 'cause when I first saw it, you gave me quite a scare. I thought you had some kind of flesh-eating caterpillar stuck to your face!" Vince chuckled."You're just jealous because you can't even grow peach fuzz!" Howard said.

"You think I envy that thing?" Vince said.

"Oh yes Sir, I've seen you in the mirror trying to draw one with a marker," Howard nodded.

"Actually I was doing an impersonation of you," Vince grinned mischeviously.

"Fine whatever, still sounds like green envy to me," Howard said.

"What I was trying to say was you should get yourself fixed up. If someone good finally talks to you, you should dress to impress."

"What's wrong with the way I look?" Howard asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Whatever floats your boat Howard," Vince said. "Hope this girl won't have sensitive skin," he muttered as he glanced at Howard's mustache.

"It's bad enough that I'm not having any luck and now you're trying to get me concerned about my appearance."

"Fine forget it then" Vince said.

Howard grunted and rested his chin against his folded arms. "Oh cheer up Old chap, someone will call!" Vince pat him on the head and walked off.

"When you become a millionaire," Howard muttered in a gruff tone. The phone rang all of a sudden.

"Woo! I'm a millionaire! I won the sweepstakes!" Vince cried out from upstairs.

Howard Dropped his jaw but then he shook his head. He picked up the phone before it rang again. "Hello?" his voice was a little lifeless.

"Hi there," said a cheery voice.

"Oh hi…" he didn't know why he suddenly got shy.

"So what's your name Mr. Charming Jazz man?" the girl asked.

"Well um… it's Howard," he tucked in his lips and smiled. "And yours?"

"It's Emma. I like your voice by the way, very masculine. You sound burly and rugged like how a real man's supposed to sound."

"Why thank you…" he blushed and hid his face even though she was just on the phone. "Same goes for you… well not you sounding like a man but you know…"

She chuckled. "Too, too, cute. Why so timid Howard?

"Me timid? No not at all, it's just that… that…" He bit his lower lip. What was wrong with him?

"Am I coming on too strong? Well in that case I guess I'll let you go then…"

"No no no no you don't have to go. You don't have to go. I'm just feeling a bit off. I don't know, maybe I'm getting the flu or something but I'll heal fast since I've got a high immunity. Yes m'am, I my body rid itself of allergies because when I was younger, my nose ran like a faucet and I had to use ten tissue boxes a day, but then one day it stopped and a tissue never touched my nose ever again."

The other side of the phone was quiet for a little bit. "Are you finished now?"

"Oh um… yes," Howard bit his lower lip awkwardly. He wished he could've taken back all that mindless babble. Somehow he always seems to do that around women.

"Now what we're we talking about earlier?" she asked.

"I forgot," he said. He grinded his teeth doubtfully. Finally, someone that sounded interesting in him finally rang him but he was already messing it up. "Would you like to meet up sometime?" he pushed himself to say.

"Sure why not. You seem harmless," she joked.

He chuckled softly, feeling a little at ease. "So how does tomorrow night sound?" he asked.

"Not bad at all. I'll see you then Howard," her voice almost sounded seductive.

"Alright… you too," he said shyly. She chuckled deeply and hung up. He hung up the phone and spread his arms out, letting out a huge sigh.


	3. Chapter 3

Howard modestly walked into the restaurant the next day He patted his hair and brushed his shirt off. He looked around, feeling nervous. Emma told him to meet her here, but he didn't know where she was or who she was. He felt very awkward and lost.

The hostess smiled at her post. "Can I help you?" she asked.

"Oh I'm supposed to meet someone here," he said.

"You must be Howard. Your date is waiting for you, fifth table on the right," she said.

"Oh thanks," he said. He felt so foolish. Howard looked around until he saw a young woman seated by herself. She had her chin resting on her palms as if she had been waiting for a while.

"Umm… Emma?" he said timidly.

"Hm?" she turned her head to him. She had a little mousey face with a little nose and big green eyes. Her hair was honey-colored and it was bobbed. Her body was small and thin. She was more cute than she was pretty. She was vey youthful almost like a child but she was fully developed. Either she was too young or he really was getting old.

"You're Howard right?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"About time you showed up. Well take a seat," she gestured at the chair.

"Alright…" he slowly pulled out the chair and sat down. Something about her made him feel small, even smaller than her.

"Are you hungry because I am. I told the waiter to come back later because of you."

"I'm sorry, I was trying to hurry but my mate Vince held me up suggesting that I…"

"Oh here he is!" she interrupted.

"Good evening madame, good evening monsieur. What can I get you?" the waiter asked.

"Well I don't really know I…."

"Hold on I got this." Emma said. She looked up at the waiter and started speaking in fluent French. The waiter smiled and said something back to her. They went back and forth laughing and chatting. The waiter finally bowed to her and walked off.

"What did you tell him?" Howard asked. He didn't know whether to be impressed or confused.

""Oh I just told him to bring us their finest champagne and to start us off with some soup and salads."

Howard didn't have much of an appetite. He was starting to have mixed feelings for Emma. He thought she was cute, but he wasn't feeling so sure about her. He couldn't tell if she was rude if it was her flirting style to be sarcastic and somewhat cynical. Whatever it was, it was really bothering him. He stared at her delicately pricking her food with her fork as he thought about it.

"It's very rude to stare and I especially don't like it when people stare at me when I eat," Emma said.

"Sorry just thinking," he said.

"Well don't think, just talk."

"Oh… kay…" he twisted his lips, unsure of what to say, plus he didn't even feel like talking to her. This whole thing was a joke. He'd rather be at home in his room writing sad songs of loneliness than be getting her treatment. Her attitude was making her appear less and attractive,

"Well?" she tilted her head in an arrogant way.

"Read any good books lately?" he absent-mindedly asked.

"Is that what you waited all day too tell me? Gosh I thought you were more interested in me," Emma flicked her hair.

Howard couldn't stand this any longer. He wordlessly got up and left the restaurant. He never felt this frustrated with a woman. Even Gideon wasn't that harsh.

"Hey Howard, what're you doing?" he heard Emma call from behind.

"What's it look like? I'm leaving," he said as he continued to walk without looking back.

"Well wait a minute, just wait a minute," she grabbed him by the arm and turned him around. "Why would you want to leave?" she asked as she put her arms around him.

He frowned from bewilderment. "Unhand me, what's the matter with you? I don't understand you!"

"Shh… shh... shh..." she put her finger to his mouth and grinned. "Don't you want to see me again?"

"I don't know about you, you're a…"

"Just say yes. C'mon please," she rested her head against his upper chest.

"Well uh…" Howard looked down at her and shrugged. "Alright then."


	4. Chapter 4

Vince walked into the Nabootique wearing a chinchilla fur coat, authentic leather pants, diamond-studded sunglasses, and gotti rings on all fingers. He had his arms around twin platinum blondes in skimpy outfits.

Howard grunted. "I see things have been going splendid for you since your new found wealth."

"I'll say!" Vince squeezed the blondes and they giggled in unison. "How's things with you?"

"Can you send them away for a bit?" Howard asked with a frown.

"Alright then. Jeeves, take the girl's out for a bit," Vince ordered.

"Yes Master," his limo driver said. He escorted the girls out.

"Now what is it now? Oh you never did tell me how things are with that girl you met. What's her name? What's she like? Tell me everything." Vince enthusiastically waved his arm.

"Her name's Emma and I don't really know what to say about her," Howard crossed his arms.

"What is she a pest? I would know, I have two of them and you know how that can be," Vince chuckled. Howard still had a look of doubt on his face. "Well can you kind of give me a little detail?" Vince asked.

"Well she's pretty," Howad began.

"Good, good," Vince nodded.

"But there's just something about he. I can't tell what she is. She acts all cuddly like she wants to be close but then there's times where she's very off like she's irritated."

"Has she complained about your size?" Vince asked sympathetically.

"Size of my what?" Howard replied.

"Never mind, guess you haven't gone that far."

"No… we just barely met Vince. Why would you say that?"

"Sometimes that's… never mind doesn't matter. Anything else?"

"Well for some reason she can speak several languages: French, Italian, Spanish, Chinese… let's say every time we go to an Ethnic restaurant, she talks with the waiters or the cooks."

"Oh even that place where they sell those funny sandwiches wraps with the yogurt sauce?" Vince asked.

"Those are gyros Vince, and yes does," Howard said.

"Hm… there's something defiantly wrong with her," Vince nodded.

"No I don't think so, I mean she's a bit odd but maybe she's just…"

"What Howard? Smart?"

"Maybe she just is. No big deal."

"C'mon Howard, I know you've been lonely for a while but get real please."

"Oh come now, there's nothing wrong with her. She's just gifted. Now if you can excuse me, I gotta check the mail," Howard opened the door and stepped out.

Howard snickered as he walked to the mailbox. "He's ridiculous, there can't be anything wrong with her," he said to himself. "Sure maybe she's a bit of a loon but I can deal with that." He gathered the mail and turned around. He gasped and dropped the letters. Suddenly Emma was in front of him. "Emma darling, what a surprise!"

"Hello Howard," she said while glaring with her hand on her hip. He glanced at her fingers tapping tensely on her hip. "So… nice weather we're having today," he said.

"I wanna know where you were last night," she turned her eyes up.

"I had an important gig last night and I didn't get back till three in the morning so I…"

"You're lying! I can sense it!" she yelled before Howard could finish.

"But it's true, I really did. You could ask my friend Vince," Howard gestured at Vince in the window. Vince looked at him, mouthed the words "I'll miss you" sympathetically, and backed away.

"See?" Howard said

"Oh so your friends matter more than I do huh? Is that what this is?" Emma glared harder.

"No not at all. Why would you think that?" he laughed nervously.

"Well then what's the matter with you then? Why aren't you answering the phone anymore? Did you bite off your own tongue? Answer me you!" she grabbed his shirt and shook him slightly. Her eyes were wide like a crazed animal's.

"Emma! Emma please! It was only a day!" he cried out.

She shrieked and held him close. "Why did you do that to me? Why would you try to leave me when I need you the most Howard? How could you be so cruel…" she covered her face and wept.

"But I didn't Emma… I didn't…" Howard was confused and frightenrd.

"Promise you'll always be there for ,me Howard… promise…" she begged.

"Emma I've done no wrong, I don't understand…"

"Promise me damn you!" she shrieked in a shrill voice.

"I promise…" Howard said weakly while stroking her back. He struggled to pick up the letters even though her arms were wrapped tightly around him. "I uh… need to pick thse up to take them inside…" he muttered.

"Alright," she released him. He quickly knelt down to pick them up, positioning himself to race to the shop. "Walk me inside, won't you? Like a nice gentleman."

"Um… alright," Howard said. She latched onto his arm as soon as he opened the door.

Vince noticed Howard with a petrified look on his face. "Are you alright?" Vince asked.

"Um…" Howard turned to Emma. She tightened her grip on his arm and glared. "Yes I'm fine…"


	5. Chapter 5

Pretty soon, Howard became isolated by Emma. He devoted a large percentage of his time to her to keep her happy and for fear of what she could do to him. Howard thought if he was to meet a woman, it'd be a dream come true but it was more like a nightmare. It was as if he was experiencing that nightmare of Precious Lilywhite but far worse. Precious at least gave him a little freedom, but Emma was keeping him on a short leash. He was even finding it hard to sleep because there'd be times she'd impulsively want to go out in the middle of the night and she told him not to question it.

"Oh my God Howard! Where've you been?" Vince exclaimed, stopping him before he could leave.

"Um… nowhere. I've been here, what do you mean?" Howard said

"No you haven't, you've been anywhere but here. What's going on?" Vince demanded.

"I have to go Vince, really I do," Howard stepped to the side.

"No you don't you don't have to jump every time Emma snaps her fingers! She doesn't own you!"

"Maybe you're right…"

"Of course I am you Goon! What's gotten into you? Someone's replaced the Howard I knew and put someone sad and easy to manipulate in his place!"

"I don't know where the other Howard is… maybe he's being caged by someone scrawny and small with big eyes…" he grimaced.

"Who me?" Vince frowned.

"No of course not. This person looks like a chipmunk with oversized eyes and her breasts are the size of soy nuts and she has this high-pitched, screechy voice that doesn't quit and…"

"Alright, alright, calm down Howard. Just calm down," Vince said.

"I can't stand it Vince! She's driving me insane! Look at my eyes, I haven't slept in days," Howard pointed to his eyes.

"God you don't look at all well. You seem a little thinner too. Have you been eating?" Vince asked.

"She only wants me to eat when she does," Howard shrugged.

"That's fucking ridiculous Howard!" Vince scowled.

"I know, I know, but what am I supposed to do?" the troubled maverick asked.

"Get rid of her!" Vince exclaimed.

"I couldn't Vince, really. I'd rather be with her than be by myself."

"Am I really hearing this? Howard! She's a hazard to your health!"

"It's not so bad, well at least when she's not having a bad day…"

"Ugh! I can't believe this! I'm guessing the sex must be pretty remarkable!" Vince shouted sarcastically.

"I told you before we haven't done anything! She suddenly gets weird when we get close… it's peculiar. I don't understand it," Howard said.

"Wait a tick, you haven't done anything at all? What's going on here Howard?" Vince asked.

"I believe I've said too much already…" Howard nervously looked over at the window and noticed Emma glaring at him outside.

"Wait a minute Howard, wait a minute! What is she doing to you?" Vince cried.

"I must be off…" Howard looked back at Emma and backed towards her.

"Howard!" Vince shouted. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Do you smell that?" Naboo asked as he walked down the stairs.

"Smell what?" Vince replied.

"That girl of Howard's was just here right?" Naboo sniffed the air again.

"Yes?" Vince said.

"Well every time she comes here, I always smell something like… evil," Naboo said.

"Evil you say? What's it smell like?" Vince asked.

"It's very bitter and harsh yet somewhat like… cinnamon…" Naboo mused.

"Cinnamon?" Vince repeated with a wince.

"Well let's see you try and sense evil!" Naboo crossed his arms.


	6. Chapter 6

"I picked these up for you from the florist," Howard handed Emma a bouquet of daises.

"Get those out of my face! I hate daises, especially yellow!" Emma smacked them out of his hand. Howard grimaced as the delicate flowers fell on the sidewalk, instantly breaking into pieces and scattering. He always wanted to bring a girl flowers. He remembered he was ecstatic when he left the flower shop with them, but he had to remember the reality of this.

They were seated in an outdoor café and it was the evening. He noticed a couple from afar. They looked like they were really enjoying themselves. The man was holding the woman close and the woman was smiling as if even looking at him brought her delight. Howard glumly stared down at his coffee cup, wishing he could have something like that.

"Well you seem awfully quiet this evening. Usually you banter about trumpets or Weather Report or whatever," she said. She sipped her iced tea.

"I've been thinking…"Howard traced the rim of the cup with his finger.

"There you go again, thinking. If you're not talking my ear off, you're having a conversation with your own mind. Stop delaying and tell me already."

"I do have something to say!" Howard almost shouted while gripping his cup. He was really considering doing what Vince suggested.

"How dare you raise your voice at the woman who loves you!" Emma exclaimed.

"Wait… you love me?" Howard asked. He didn't know what to think of it at all.

"Yeah that's right. I do," she grinned and sipped her tea.

"Whoa there! Just wait a second and really think of this! You can't be serious!" he cried out.

"Of course I'm serious, I'm a grown woman and I know what love is," she said.

"No, no you're not. You're much too young to really even know…"

"I'm older than you think I am! Much older Howard!"She hissed while abruptly getting up from her chair and slamming her hands on the table.

"Shhh… Emma we're in public…" Howard whispered.

"Why don't you think I love you? I see your face every day and I've grown accustomed to your hobbies and quirks! You don't know how I feel inside! All the men in the world are the same, so stupid and heartless!" she slammed her arms on the table and hid her face. She let out a loud cry.

"Oh dear…" Howard winced hopelessly. "Emma, Emma, Emma, you have to understand…" he got up and walked around to her side of the table.

"Understand what? All I've ever done is love you with my whole heart and soul but you continue to push me away… you don't care about me at all…" she sobbed.

"Well y'see," he patted her shoulder, "You can't love me because I don't think I…"

"What! You don't think you what? The last thing you want to do is break a tortured woman's heart! I don't think you've ever heard of a woman's scorn have you?" she tilted her head and raised her eyebrows menacingly.

"Well what I mean to say is…" He felt feeble as a spider shrinking on a hot stove. He knew he would regret what he was about to say but it couldn't be worse than what she could do. "I… I love you so much that I can hardly contain it. There is so much love I feel for you within me that not even I can fantom it. It's constantly growing and expanding and I uh… just don't know what to do with it all."

Emma giggled coyly. "Then kiss me you fool!"

"Um… alright." He said weakly. She closed her eyes and puckered her lips, eagerly presenting herself. He put his hands up to touch her face but then put them back by his sides. He leaned towards her but then recoiled as if she could strike like a cobra. Finally, without further hesitation, he quickly pecked her on the lips.

Emma blinked. "What the hell was that?" she asked bluntly.

"What the hell was what?" Howard said.

"Oh don't give me that! You know damn well what that was. That was nothing, a whole lot of nothing and gave it to me! You told me you had so much love for me that you could hardly stand it!" She glared.

"Well I'm sorry. I do, I do, I really love you Emma...," he whimpered.

"Actions speak more than words you dunce! That wasn't even a kiss, that was a puff of air! Now is your love for me deeper than the dark depths of the ocean or not?"

"Well… which ocean's deeper again? Is it the Atlantic or Pacific or even the Arctic… not Indian of course…"

"What the hell are you doing now? Do you think it really matters which ocean I'm talking about?" she yelled.

"Well possibly if you want to be more precise about how much…"

"I'm not asking for a geography lesson, I want to know if you really love me! Now tell me!"

"Y-yes…"

"There you go! Now quit stalling!"

"Now tell me… which part of the ocean? For there could be rocks and trenches in the way, in fact several. You know the bottom of the ocean is a lot like a plateau underwater and..."

"Howard!" her voice boomed.

"Alright, alright! Easy!" Howard said. He softly placed his hands on her shoulders. "Now tell me calmly, if you may, what's with all this fuss?"

"I only want you to prove to me that you love me with a kiss. Just a kiss please. Show me you love me Howard, please. No talk of oceans or immense emotions trapped inside. Just show me please and I'll know," she pleaded.

Howard sighed. He despised when she'd do this. She'd scream and yell at him in a way that would frighten even the largest animals at the zoo he cared for but then she'd become delicate and sentimental. He couldn't believe that he began to ache inside as her eyebrows drew back and her lips pouted. Her expression made him want to believe there was an innocent longing for him to love her.

He tilted her chin up. Maybe he misunderstood her. It could be possible that all this hostility from her could be simply a cry for help. He held the sides of her face and kissed her. She placed her hands behind his head. It wasn't bad at all kissing her. He wasn't sure if he had feelings for her, but it still felt nice. Her lips were soft and sweet and soft. He placed his arms around her waist and caressed her back. Just as everything seemed to be going well, suddenly Emma rammed her heel into his abdomen.

"Ugh!" Howard cried out. He immediately grabbed at his stomach, thinking she punctured him. He groaned from the pain and hunched his back. "What was that for?" he shouted.

"You pervert! I told you to kiss me not go all the way!" she shrieked.

"What are you talking about? That's all I did, he said.

"Get out of here!" she yelled.

"Emma you're being unreasonable, come now," Howard offered his hand. She snarled and flung her tea in his face. He rubbed his eyes with irritation, feeling ready to strike her but that wouldn't make him any better than her. He adjusted the collar of his shirt and glared.

"Goodbye," he said in a gruff tone and walked off without looking back.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, he still felt a little bent out of shape from last night. He swore to never see her again. Last night she went too far. He couldn't stand the humiliation and indignities put him through anymore. If she loved him, why would she treat him like this?

He glumly paced himself to the kitchen table and noticed sulking at the table in the same state as him.

"You don't look well," Howard said.

"Neither do you," Vince moped.

"Well let's hear your story first," Howard took a seat.

"Alright so remember those two gorgeous twins I brought in that one time?" Vince asked.

"Twin means two Vince," Howard corrected.

"I don't care right now Howard! They left me feeling bloody awful. Now do you want to hear what happened or are you going to critique the whole thing?" Vince scowled.

"Fine sorry, go on then," Howard said.

"I can't remember what happened last night but I woke up handcuffed to the towel rack in the hotel's bathroom, and not only that, the girls were gone along with all my money, furs, and jewels."

"Oh how unfortunate, I'm sorry to hear that Vince," Howard said.

"Why would they do that? Not only did they take everything, they slashed the tires on my new limo!" Vince groaned and held his temples.

"I'm sorry Vince but did you really think they were interested in you? They were interested in your new found wealth," Howard said.

"I can't believe this shit! I was gonna marry them!" Vince cried.

"Vince it would've never worked out, they would never love you plus… you can't have two wives!" Howard retorted.

"Why not? Rich folks have trophy wives, why can't I have two?" Vince pouted.

"It's not right Vince no one can…," he grunted from the sheer absurdity.

"Well whatever, what's your story then?" Vince asked.

"Last night was hell for me though I don't know if it comes close to yours. Anyway the worst of it is Emma yelled at me, jammed her high heel into my stomach, and then she threw her drink in my face," Howard frowned from remembering it.

"Still sounds pretty crummy though," Vince said.

"The strangest part is that she told me she loved me last night but none of it makes sense."

"Howard," Vince shook his head. "How thick can you get? She's manipulating you. I told you, something's wrong with her."

"I know but last night she sounded like she really meant it," Howard said.

"What did she tear up like in some cheesy soap opera?" Vince asked.

"No, but she just sounded very serious," Howard crossed his arms.

"You seem to be sugar coating this whole thing. You just told me she kicked you in the stomach!" Vince exclaimed.

"I know, I know," Howard said.

"Then are you going to get rid of her or what?" Vince's voice squeaked with exasperation.

"I was thinking about it," Howard said.

"Is that so?" a voice said.

They turned their heads with a start. Emma was leaning against the wall across from them. She had a nasty scowl on her face. "Howard, could you leave the room for a bit? I'd like to have a word with… this," she waved her arm at Vince cruelly.

"Well I don't know about that…" Howard shifted his eyes to Vince. Vince nodded as if to say he has it under control. "Alright then," he turned around and walked to his room.

"So you're Howard's friend. What's your name again? Simon or was it Damien?" she said.

"It's Vince," he rolled his eyes.

"Oh that's right. I knew it was something cocky and over done," Emma giggled to herself.

"Right, so what is it you're wanting to talk about?" Vince said in a harsh tone.

"I'm sorry if I got a little off track, but yeah I did have something to talk about," she said with a sly grin.

"Well I'm all ears," Vince spread his arms out.

"That's good, I like a man who listens," she said. Vince dropped his eyelids and raised his brows, expressing impatience. "Now since you're sitting pretty and waiting oh so patiently I suppose you're ready enough to listen Vincey Boy. Now I see you and Howard have been acquainted with each other for let's see…"

"A while," Vince interrupted.

"Now isn't that something? Being good pals for an eternity it seems," Emma placed her hands over her heart dramatically. "That's all fine and dandy, but now I'd like it if you'd keep your distance from Howard now. For example, don't talk to him, don't come near him, and if it's possible, don't even look at him thank you very much."

"Alright! Just who do you think you are coming in here acting like Howard's your personal man bitch?" Vince shouted.

"Think of it this way, you're not a very good influence on him. So disobedient, short-tempered, and stubborn. Those are defiantly traits I don't want rubbing off on my Howard."

"That's where you're wrong Emma," Vince pronounced her name with strong apathy. "Howard belongs to nobody. He's a very liberal, independent spirit or a maverick as he calls himself."

"Is that what he says? Sounds like he needs some correcting…" she stepped towards the hallway.

"Don't even think about it Tinkerbelle!" Vince rapidly blocked her way. "If I find out about you doing anything else to Howard, I'll knock your teeth out!"

"Foolish maggot!" Emma hissed. Her eyes glowed red and her brows pressed incredibly tight, making hundreds of creases. Her mouth curled up at the sides forming a grotesque grin with needled sharp teeth. "The weak mortal's soul belongs to me now," she bellowed in a hellish voice. "Nobody will be able to save him now. Once his soul is ours, our dark kingdom shall be restored and my sisters will arise!"

Vince stood there frozen with fear. His eyes were fully widened and his body quivered. He could hardly believe how much he underestimated her.

"Emma? Are you just about done?" Howard said as he stepped out of his room fully dressed.

Emma's face turned back into normal within an instant. "Why yes Sweetheart and look at you, so dashing!" she held her hands together by her cheek and grinned.

"Oh please… I just threw this on without thinking," he blushed and smiled slightly.

"Well it's good that you're well-dressed. I have some thrilling plans for tonight…" she grinned.

"Oh alright then," Howard said. He was about to take her by the arm but then Vince abruptly sprung at him. "Hey! Hey! Vince what's gotten into you?" Howard exclaimed.

"Howard… don't go with her! J-just don't go with her! She's not right! Howard please! Whatever you do just don't do it!" Vince gripped on Howard tightly. He looked like he just witnessed a murder.

"Get off me Vince! You know the rule, no touching!" Howard pushed him off and frowned.

"Howard pleased! She's not human!" Vince cried out.

"Aw how adorable, he's jealous of our love!" Emma snuggled up next to Howard.

"Emma please, have some consideration for Vince here," Howard chuckled.

"Howard listen to me please!" Vince cried.

"Shall we go then Darling?" Howard linked his arm with hers.

"Certainly," she grinned and crinkled her nose.

"Howard! Howard please! Howard!" Vince begged as he followed them. Howard and Emma walked down the stairs huddled together. It was as if they couldn't hear his pleas and cries. "Howard damn you! Listen to me!" Vince cried.

"Bye Vince," Emma said with an evil grin.


	8. Chapter 8

Vince busted into Naboo's room. Naboo cried out and fell back in his chair. "Didn't I tell you to knock?" Naboo exclaimed.

"Naboo we gotta help Howard he's in danger!" Vince cried out hysterically.

"Since when is there something not wrong with him?" Naboo shook his head.

"Naboo really, he needs our help!" Vince placed his hands together in prayer.

"I'm guessing it's mostly my help right? Alright then what is it?"

"Ok so remember Howard's girlfriend? She's not even human she's something evil like you said before! Believe me, just now I saw her! Her eyes were glowing red like Christmas lights and she spoke to me in this demonic voice about taking Howard's soul and something about her sisters having an up rise and…"

"Woah, woah, woah," Naboo held his hand up. "She said something about sisters?"

"Yes! Yes! And a dark kingdom and some other things like that Stephen King movie Cujo!"

"That was about a rabid St. Bernard Vince…"

"Well you know what I mean! Scary as all hell!"

"Alright, alright, you don't have to prove yourself!" Naboo started shoving items into a bag. "Now we have to go find Howard or else it won't be just his life on the line."

Meanwhile, it was close to the evening as Howard was walking with Emma. "Well as I was saying," Howard said. "I'm really sorry about last night. Perhaps I got a little too excited and I might've done something wrong. I don't really…"

"I know, I know. You don't have any sexual experiences whatsoever. You told me," she said.

"I… I did? But I never told you anything of the sort…" Howard's face slowly turned scarlet.

"You didn't? Oh… my mistake…" she shifted her eyes suspiciously.

"How um… would you know about… that?" Howard asked shyly. "I won't get angry if you tell me in fact it'll be Vince that I'll be angry with if it was him who told you, then again I can't blame a girl for being curious…"

"I didn't ask your brain-dead monkey of a friend! I read your… horoscope?" Emma had a queer smile on her face.

"Hey when it comes to brightness, Vince is possibly a 40 watt bulb, but don't talk about him like that. And since when are horoscopes that personal?"

"Just forget it alright? It doesn't matter," she said. "It won't matter for much longer," she muttered with a sly grin while latching her arm on his.

"Um… right," He chuckled nervously. "So where are we going Emma?"

"Somewhere exciting my love," she said.

"What's so exciting about a dark alleyway?" Howard winced as he scanned his surroundings.

"You'll see soon enough," Emma pulled on his arm, urging him to move forward.

"But those places aren't very safe at night. Someone could attack us."

"Oh don't be silly. That'll be the least of your worries."

"Emma you're acting strange. Why don't we go somewhere nicer like the museum or maybe… what on earth is that?" Howard nearly shrieked. He pointed at what appeared to be a pentagram drawn on the sidewalk.

"Um… fancy a game of hopscotch?" Emma asked, smiling crookedly.

"Wait a minute… isn't hopscotch drawn with squares and rectangles?" Howard squirmed, trying to escape her grasp.

"It's Chinese hopscotch," she said. She pulled on his arm.

"I… I have to go… I think I left a uh... pot roast in the oven…" Howard tried to break free from her arms but she kept latching onto him.

"Hopscotch Howard! C'mon let's play hopscotch!" she cried out excitedly, pulling him towards the pentagram.

"No, no, no please! No!" Howard whimpered.

"Hopscotch!" Emma shouted.

"No!" he cried out.

"Hopscotch!" she shrieked furiously.

"Noooooooooooo!" Howard cried.

" Hopscoooooooooooooootch!" her voice boomed and her eyes glowed red.


End file.
